Having completed my 50th year, a look back seems in order. Here are 50+ things I would tell my younger self, not that I would have listened.
On Happiness
~You can’t always control what happens, but you always control your response.
~Kindness is like magic pixie dust in almost any situation, and there’s an endless supply.
~Comparing your life to others is debilitating. There’s always better or worse, it’s a wash. Focus on how you want to craft your life, period.
~Life is messy. Embrace the unpredictability of it all and you’ll feel more grounded.
~For God’s sake pamper yourself. Get a pedi or eat some expensive chocolate. I don’t care what, just do it regularly.
~Your favorite music is the best mood lifter ever created.
~Find outlets for your creativity in any way possible, wheter its photography, painting, wrighting, or making music
or quilts. You won’t feel truly fulfilled unless you are doing something creative.
~Live independently from the good opinion of others.
~If you want to feel the unearned, pure, senseless, endless pouring out of love, get a dog. Really. Get one.
~No one can ever complete you or make you happy, that is your responsibility, and no one else’s.
~That being said, there is nothing better than spending your life with a partner who cherishes you beyond reason.
On Friendships
~A true test of friendship. Do you feel better or worse after you spend time with that person? Your gut will tell you if it’s empowering, toxic, or weirdly competitive. Listen to your intuition and only surround yourself with empowering friends. Cull crappy-feeling makers from your life.
~Few people are truly interested in your opinion. Even the people closest to you often just want a safe place to vent and process decisions.
~Most friendships are part of your life for a limited time, based on a shared situation or chapter of life. Don’t feel bad if or when you drift, it’s the natural ebb and flow of friendships.
~True friends aren’t competitive or jealous of each other. They genuinely celebrate each other’s good stuff.
~If you are important to a person, they will treat you accordingly. If you aren’t, they will treat you accordingly. Take an accurate reading and act accordingly.
~Don’t apologize for who you are. Do apologize when you mess up while being who you are.
~Speaking up is both underrated and overrated. Deciding which it is at any given moment takes practice.
~The smartest people I know don’t crush other people’s opinions. They might calmly present another option or won’t, but aren’t threatened or invested in being right.
~If you are authentically you, the right friends will be drawn to you so you don’t have as many false starts.
~Don’t depend on external validation, strokes, or praise to make you feel good. It’s an unpredictable, limited, and often inaccurate source.
~Don’t let the great memories keep you in a friendship that is no longer positive.
~It’s true. Your head will not spontaneously explode if you don’t champion your opinion to the death. I’ve tried it a
couple of times. It often is the stronger, not weaker thing to do.
~The more open your mind is, the more you realize how little you know definitively.
On Keeping the Inner Peace
~Everyone, no matter what age, needs regular silent solitude. Never feel guilty about taking time for yourself.
~Being emotionally self-sufficient is hugely beneficial, don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.
~Worry is a waste of energy always. Replace it with an immediate action to deal with things or distraction if nothing more can be done.
~Don’t live with sleep deprivation. Make being rested a priority early on. Life is always better and easier when you have enough sleep.
~Spend less time wishing you fit in and more time comfortably inhabiting your own skin.
~Appreciate the oddities, hardships, and quirks of your life. They’ve contributed to some of the best and most resilient parts of your personality.
On Kids and Family
~Be more aware of time. We move through life’s stages with great speed, kids grow up in a flicker.
~There is an all consuming crazy mamma love for your kids lodged in every cell of your being that exceeds comprehension.
~Lighten up. Lighten up. Lighten up! Rarely does it have to be that serious.
~Strive to raise compassionate, kind people rather than self-important ones.
~Creating anything with your kids is bonding, even the little stuff like a meal or cookies.
~Curiosity and a sense of wonder about the world is one of the best qualities you can foster in kids. Travel. Expose them to the amazing. Stretch their minds with what’s out there.
~Relationships with parents and siblings are important not to mess up because they are permanent. Be extra forgiving.
~Make the mundane moments with your family matter. Those are what you have in abundance, so infuse a spark of fun into them when you can.
~No one likes a complainer.
~This is not Japan, people. Hug the people you love. Hug them. Hug them. HUG THEM!
~A quiet confidence is one of the best things you foster in a kid.
~Decrease the number of elephants in the room, whenever possible. A sense of humor often helps when shooing them off.
~Enjoy the chaos in your house. There will be quiet years.
~Never stop telling the people you care about that you do. It never gets old.
~Undistracted listening is one of the most precious gifts you can give another person or any age.
~Family cares much less about your opinion than knowing they are loved by you regardless of differences, past or present.
~Your kids want to have some fun with you. So be fun sometimes!
~Tough experiences are the ones that shape and strengthen you. The easy, comfy status quo, not so much.
~Good manners are never optional because they show a basic kindness and respect for others.
~Teach them early to be independent from the good opinion of others. If they can think independently they will love who they are sooner, comfortable and confident with who they are.
On Being Free
~One of the most precious commodities is the freedom to do what you want when you get up every morning. That’s something worth working towards.
~Simplify your belongings except for books and grand pianos.
~Never assume there will be time to do something later in life. That’s not your call.
~The ultimate goal is doing more of what you like and less of what you don’t.
~Travel when you can. Nothing can compare with exploring the world.
~Experiences you can always carry with you. Possessions you cannot. Unique memories always trump possessions.
~Adventure is one of the most underrated things in adulthood.
