For years our kids wondered why we couldn’t be a normal family who camps and goes to Disney. Since their pleas for camping were futile and their hopes for normalcy even more so, we did the only thing left and headed toward Orlando.
When the gates to the Magic Kingdom opened we went straight back to see the mouse. We were told by our Disney-pro friends that is when the line is the shortest. On our way out of the building we were presented with VIP passes. This was in 2010, a pre-fast-pass era. These were only randomly given out to a few families in the park. This meant we didn’t stand in any lines, none. Even the VIP lines were always empty. This must be how billionaires live their whole lives. People looked at us enviously all day. We had line-weary parents offer to buy them. Everyone knows No-Lines Disney is different from 2-hrs-a-ride Disney. No trodding through lines, just flitting from ride to ride. You want to do five rides in an hour, oh come on, we can do better than that.
We were also there on New Year’s Eve, which was not a wise thing. In the afternoon everyone was given a complimentary top hat (good) and happy whistles (bad) (oh so very bad). Happy whistles aren’t so happy when blown by thousands of people in close proximity, in a park at max capacity. They should market ears with earplugs for the Mickey migraines. I considered sticking two turkey drumsticks in my ears but didn’t want to ruin the magic moment for the kids. Eventually I didn’t hear them anymore, because I couldn’t hear anymore. But there’s no room for whiners in the Magic Kingdom. We went to It’s a Small World After All, hoping it would also be a more silent world after all. And it was.
We hit that place hard. Did every ride they wanted to do, multiple times, ate every overpriced snack, got eared-
souvenirs, henna tats, ate turkey legs, took pictures with mute plastic headed rodents and fowl in clothing, saw every version of parade.
At the end of the day when we were pulling out of the parking lot the youngest said we didn’t need to do that again for a very long time but when were we going to try camping.