Even though Cali’s birthday isn’t until tomorrow, she agreed we would celebrate it today. Partially this is due to the fact that Kier will be gone on her actual birthday. Cali said this was fine.
Her birthday started with breakfast in bed. We didn’t want to set the mosquito netting on fire with the candles, so we modified it. She had birthday breakfast on couch. At home we have a special tray and plate we use for birthdays, but here we put her food on the cutting board. She had gummy bear scrambled eggs and a side of chocolate kisses, the perfect way to start your b-day. Paul had brought her a new dress from home. She went off to school happy, in a new dress and a tummy full of sugar. Life doesn’t get much better than that when you’re freshly 8, no matter where you live.
The rest of our family went to the Dehli to have breakfast. Then we went to get Paul a stronger coffee (not the watered down kind you get with the tipico breakfast, which I actually prefer). While Paul was drinking his coffee Madi went to the bookstore to talk to her teacher.
The teachers here don’t make much money and often have other part-time jobs. This particular teacher works in the bookstore on the weekends. In this small town the students will see their teachers everywhere, having coffee, dancing, shopping, getting hammered (Kier has a weird story about that). The teachers of the older girl’s school welcome the kids to ask for help in the off hours, if they need any clarification of homework. They have their home phone numbers. I know that wouldn’t work at home, and this is a very small school. The teachers often say if you don’t understand your homework, call for clarification. So Madi was dicussing topics with her teacher in the bookstore.
While we were getting coffee and homework advice, I got a phone call from Cali’s school. They asked if Cali was celebrating her birthday today and I said yes. Cali had been talking to her teacher about it all week, had handed out invitations (through the teacher), asked if she could have a pinata at her birthday party. She and her teacher had gone to the director to ask if she could have the pinata at school today, the director had said no, we were told cake only. There had been a fair bit of discussion going on at school about today for the past week. But the woman said I hadn’t come to the director to ask permission if I could bring a cake to school, so Cali’s birthday will need to be cancelled.
I learned later is that the director has been alienating many parents because of her rigid interpretations of rules, which you can’t do in a private school where you are counting on a certain amount of customer satisfaction. Normally I would have considered rescheduling the party until Monday, if they were so uptight. Only problem with that plan was that Kier couldn’t be there for the party since she will be in Honduras with my sister. I told the woman on the phone that I would come up to the school and we could talk about it further.
What I didn’t say was that I was bringing that cake no matter what. This is probably the 4th birthday they’ve had in Cali’s class, and I know the moms bring in cake and food with each birthday. As one of the other moms described it to me, if you don’t make a big deal at school, the child feels unloved. Well, I wouldn’t want that. I wasn’t even planning other food, I was only bringing a cake (no ice cream, juice, tamales, other munchies, like there have been at other parties at school). I hope Cali feels loved enough, with just a cake.
I apologized to the woman that I didn’t go through the proper channels, but since the teacher knew what was happening, I thought that was enough. For the love of all things birthday, I apologized, again. But I knew I was taking that cake in today come hell or high water. Even if Paul and the girls had to create some kind of crazy diversion, that cake was going to happen today.
The woman conceded eventually and said I had better ask the director next time. I said I would do that. Then she called back and said I only had 20 minutes for the kids to eat their cake. This isn’t exactly true because I was at Cali’s friend’s party, and we hung around for 40 minutes, but fine. Then she called back again and said I better not be bringing any soda or candy. I said I wasn’t. Then I remembered that there was candy in the little loot bags. The loot bags Cali had brought home from school were full of candy, so I assumed this would be fine. We decided to cross this bridge after we got the cake into the building. I decided I wasn’t answering my phone anymore, in case they changed their minds.
The girls and I went to pick up the cake. You may remember that I’d gone to two other bakeries and specifically decided on this one because I wanted lots of icing, a kid cake. I wanted her name on the top and Feliz Cumpleanos Cali on the top. The woman wrote down my order, I was so proud of myself. Well, when I showed up, there was this beautiful chocolate cake with fancy chocolate shavings and decorations on it. It was an amazing fancy adult cake. ARGH! So much for my pro cake ordering skills and my dance in the end zone. The cake didn’t have lots of nasty icing, it didn’t have Happy Birthday Cali written on the top. I explained this to the woman and showed her the order slip that was taped on the cake that clearly said what I wanted written on the top. She walked out the door without a word. Didn’t quite know what to do next. Take the cake, leave the money?But she’d walked down the street and brought back an older man. He was obviously the cake-writer. He wrote Feliz Cumplanos Cali on the cake in red icing. By this time we had 3 minutes to get up to the school for our 20 minute party. We just had to take it and go. Flexibility.
When we got there I had to admit I was determined not to be turned away with the cake, when I could see Cali’s classroom door. I told Paul to go into the office to pay Cali’s monthly tuition while the girls and I walked at lightening speed with the cake up to Cali’s classroom and start cutting and flinging out slices of cake like frisbees before the party police come and shut the place down. The plan worked. First thing we did was cut three generous pieces of cake and sent directly to the office for the director and her two staff (a Menno tactic, bend them to your will with food). A few minutes later the director was up in the classroom wishing Cali a happy birthday, all smiles. She just wanted another slice. Cali was happy, the director was happy, the teacher was happy, so I was happy. Whew. Who knew birthday cake would be one of our crazy cross-cultural experiences.
The party routine was sweet in her class. The teacher went up to the front and made a little speech about Cali. Then each child came up to wish her a happy birthday and give her a hug. If they had a little gift they would present it then. The boys weren’t shy to give hugs. Then Cali opened her presents. The way it works here is that kids give little presents from the dollar store or a pair of socks (which is odd since the kids all wear sandals and flip flops). Maybe socks are slightly decadent. The usual price of a birthday gift is about 20Q or $2.60. I find it interesting that Cali was just as excited to get tiny plastic toys as she was about other birthdays at home when the presents cost about $30.
The mom of Cali’s friend came to have some cake. We came to her daughter’s party and took pictures, which reminds me I need to get those to her. I take so many pictures here for people and then forget to pass them on. There is still a woman who is bugging me about pictures from her daughter’s birthday party that I took three years ago.
I told the mom how the party almost didn’t happen and she thought that was stupid. She didn’t ask the director’s permission for her daughter’s party a few weeks ago. For many years she worked at this school as a teacher, so she knows all the politics. On a positive note she said they aren’t moving to Mexico right away. Thank goodness Cali will keep her best friend. I can’t tell you how happy it made me. Apparently, in order for a Guatemalan to get a visa to go to Mexico to live, they must prove they have $2000 U.S. a month for 12 months, have an international credit card, and a number of other items. I didn’t realize there is much more opportunity in Mexico than in Guatemala, and the Mexican government is trying to keep a lid on immigration from it’s southern border.
Our little party was basically done in 15 minutes, but we stayed the extra five to max out our alloted time. That’s right. I suppose the question should be raised if outwitting or disregarding the birthday party police is culturally insensitive. My conclusion is no. If this would have happened at home in my own culture, I would have done the same thing.
After the party Kier tuked directly to school. Since she is missing school for a week she wanted to get feedback on a braided essay she has to submit when she gets back. While she spent a few hours at school. The rest of us went home.
Kier got her hair cut in the afternoon. The woman who does her hair used to cut hair in Toronto for 30 years, she is very good. Her haircutting chair is in an open garden full of tropical plants and birds. It’s a beautiful setting. The breeze blows over you, the sun shines in. It’s like getting your hair cut in a tropical aviary in the zoo, but with your choice of coffee, tea and a good book. I left for a while because I had to do look for fishnet stockings in the costume boxes for the musical. Then I came back to get Kier. She was there for almost 3 hours. Kier walked home while I scooted up to the costume meeting I was late for. We were getting a lot done at the meeting, but I couldn’t stay for the whole thing because there was more Cali-birthday to celebrate.
After school Cali went to the family’s house. They said they were going to get her a birthday gift, but ended up buying her a sucker at the corner store. One eventually learns to manage expectations here, at any age. What you think is going to happen, often doesn’t. Cali was fine with that. It helps that we don’t buy her suckers. Madi usually goes over to the family’s house on Fridays. She likes the torillas, the chickens, playing in the tuks, climbing the tree. When Paul went to pick them up he says Cali was on the roof, Madi was in a tree. That Cali swung down the edge in her bare feet, amidst rebar pointing everywhere, pointy branches, other hazards. He said that even though he is impressed that Cali can climb a tin roof like a barefoot indigenous kid, it scared him to see all the potential ways she could get hurt. We decided a good compromise is to let her keep climbing the tree and make the roof off-limits.
Next we went to the restaurant Cali had chosen for her birthday meal. This place has private little tables in huts AND chocolate cake. Done deal. We did death by pasta and then went over to The Porch for a movie. They have a little room and project the movie on the wall with surround sound that you can rent for small special occasions. It’s the only movie type experience in town. Cali chose the Princess Bride. Even though Kier and Madi can resite the entire movie, Cali hadn’t seen it (I know Tasha, inconceivable). You can order food or popcorn in there, it’s a nice little experience.
Halfway through the movie Kier shrieks and said a small mouse ran over her foot. We turned on the light and that was no mouse, it was a cockroach on steroids. It wasn`t crawling, it was strutting. In an effort to run away from Paul’s shoe, it ran over my empty sandal and almost got stuck in the straps. Paul and I agreed he was even bigger than any roach we saw in Haiti. We spent the rest of the movie with our legs folded up in our chairs, except Paul. I didn`t realize compartmentalizing can also apply to small rodent sized insects that could carry away your young.
After the movie I took a tuk home with Cali and Madi. Cali was tired. Paul and Kier were going to walk home. On the way home we ran in to some construction. A dumptruck had parked across the road in front of us. We waited for about 15 minutes, then the dump truck driver he came back with a drink in hand, got into the dumptruck and moved it. Here when something like that happens, people don`t ask questions or get overly irritated. They just wait, and wonder, and wait some more, and wonder some more. Much more passive or peaceful–take your pick.
Cali went to bed and declared it a successful birthday. She didn’t complain about the adult cake. I supppose the red writing disguised it enough. From a girl who makes a 20 page birthday plan, that’s high praise. Savoring. Then in a couple of days, she’ll be counting down to her 9th birthday.
Paul came home without Kier, because she`d met up with some friends. She still wasn`t packed for Honduras, but I have learned not to worry about her last minute packing. It’s what she does. What she doesn`t leave to last minute chance, are the important necessities, which equals books. For the last week she`d been calculating how much reading material she will need, how many books we should buy at he used book store and how many books she should borrow from the school library. That part of her packing she planned with going-to-the-moon precision and accuracy. Clothes, whatever, she`ll throw some in. She did come home at a much earlier hour than usual, in order to get my help while I`m still awake. It didn`t take her very long to get it done. It started with a frantic, “Mom I can`t find my books!” I told her I`d already put them in her bag. She smiled. Then two minutes later she shows up with an armful of clothes and dumps them in the bag, done. Do I know her or what.
My girlfriends called me a couple of times during the evening to see if I wanted to join them. Plans here are fluid and constantly changing. They were going to go to the hot-tub (a favorite activity of theirs) but ended up listening to guitar music at the Circus Bar and eating salads. I was sorry to miss it, but know they’ll be doing it again (like tomorrow). I just couldn’t do it because of Cali’s birthday and Kier leaving for Honduras. Which brings me to another interesting point. News of any kind travels fast here. Many people wished Cali a Happy Birthday and asked Kier is she is excited about her Honduras trip. I would ask the person, “How did you know Kier is going to Honduras?” They’d say, oh I was talking to someone about this, and they said that. Often 3rd or 4th hand. Good thing to keep in mind.
She set the alarm for 5 a.m. and is leaving at 6 a.m. Her salsa teacher who also runs a shuttle service will drive her in to town and put her on the bus. Then my sister will pick her up on the other end. I told K I didn`t want her to get off the bus for any reason other than immigration at the border. Therefore she had to get up and make sandwiches to last her for a whole day of travelling. Kier has done a fair bit of travelling alone for her age. She thrives on it. She has met us in Europe, gone to and from the British Virgin Isles, flying down here, among numerous group trips without her parents. But this is the first time doing a solo bus trip, and in Central America.
From my own experiences taking the bus when I was growing up in the U.S., I told her how to keep her stuff safe. The first time my mom put me on a Greyhound bus alone I was 9 years old and I was going to summer camp. I remember my mom saying to me, if you get off the bus for some reason, just make sure you are getting back on to the right bus, or you will end up in a different city. Good advice. I gave Kier all my safety advice I had in my head. Sometimes I have to remind myself that next year she will be a senior and then she will go out on her own. That helps me err on the side of letting go rather than holding on more tightly. She loves being independent, wants her own adventures, to make her own decisions. This is another ideal opportunity for her to do that.