Cali has been going to middle school here in Costa Rica for weeks now. After her first day of school she was eager to return, and every day since. I’m intrigued. Usually by now I’ve pieced together who the mean girl queen bee is, the followers, the clever underhanded instigators, the silent enablers. She has said absolutely nothing. No complaints, no tears, no nothing. Had she finally caught on that I can’t handle seeing her hurt and cut off the flow of information?
She’s in middle school. The worst time of both of my older two girls were these years. Generally I think it’s the toughest developmental time for girls, because they’re often so mean to each other. Kier was horribly bullied in a private Christian school. During these years Madi got along better with the books in the library than the girls on the playground.
Making the decision to put her into a school here, when the other girls know she is leaving in a short amount of time, made me nervous. We only paid for a few weeks in case it was intolerable for her and we’d have to throw in the towel. But it didn’t happen, she loves it.
I asked her to compare how girls are here and at home, and she quickly answered, “The girls aren’t mean here.” I didn’t realize that was a possibility. There is always one or two girls in the mix that make the road a bit bumpy, but here, nada, no one.
How is that possible? She said the girls here are goofy, are always laughing and having fun, and aren’t focused on making each other feel bad. She said they do like to swear a lot, in multiple languages. I’ll take swearing girls over mean spirited girls ANY day of the school week.
I asked if the boys interact any differently. She said, no, they are the same. They do and say really dumb things to get your attention if they like you. If only that were different.
But I’m intrigued with the girl thing. So surviving these hell-years isn’t an unavoidable developmental rite of passage? Is Cali’s experience a fluke or the general norm? Is is a definable cultural difference in how girls interact? If it is the norm, how can we replicate this peer kindness and intolerance for mean behavior back in our North American schools? Could we set up Costa Rican training boot camps to show young teen girls what a school without mean girl behavior looks like, then challenge everyone to go home and emulate? Maybe in addition to Eco-Tourism, Costa Rica could be tapping into the Escaping Mean Girl Tourism. They could set up sabbaticals for family’s whose middle school daughters are having difficulty with mean girl bullying. Can you imagine that economy boom? Costa Rica could become the first tourism super power by fostering kindness.
Regardless of what happens on a macro level, on a micro-family level I’m grateful. Cali at age 13 got to be part of a girl community that is focused on having fun, not at anyone’s expense, even if there are a few cuss words sprinkled in.
